According to Harville Hendrix, PhD , Getting the Love you want: A guide for couples, it’s the “picture (image) of the partner who can make one complete and whole again” (image meaning imago in Latin), as in the complex picture of early childhood caregivers. Imago theory implies that we seek for partners who have the potential to help us complete unfinished matters from childhood. Our adult relationships and conflicts seem familiar because they remind us of our early caregivers. These relationships give us new opportunities to heal and transform previous wounds and finding deep relational fulfillment. But this remains an opportunity, not a guarantee.
Our unconscious need is to have our feelings of “aliveness and wholeness” restored by someone reminding us of our early caregivers.
In other words, we are looking for someone who reminds us of our early caregivers.
WHEN WE FALL IN LOVE
So when we fall in love and the world is suddenly perceived as a safe and better place, our old brain tells us that we have found someone who can finally help meet our needs. Unfortunately, since we do not understand what is happening, we are shocked when the terrible truth of our dear surfaces and our first impulse is to escape from the situation.
It seems to be an illusion to believe that it is not normal for relationships to suffer from increasing pressure at times, especially in everyday life. Unaddressed problems and unresolved emotional conflicts can easily contribute to experiences of tension and stress over time, which can make each partner feel exhausted, depressed, desperate, and develop lower self-esteem and lack of confidence. When a relationship is at the breaking point, separation or divorce may seem the only option.
However, talking through problems with an experienced professional psychologist individually as well as together at times of crisis can help you get to the core of conflicts and re-learn how to appreciate each other’s experiences, thoughts and feelings and preventing things to escalate further.
OUR OVERALL GOAL
We have as an overall goal to help couples work towards a more successful relationship where both parties feel stronger together as well as individually! The wish to begin in couples therapy is for many about the desire to manage to move forward, get professional help to put the past behind, not to miss the present and to create a future together!
A Guide For Couples • Canwillbebetter™
We invests time, money and resources in all kinds of material things. We invest in our homes, cars, boats, real estate, retirement planning and technology. We also invest in education and training for our careers. But non of that really matters if our marriage or couple’s relationship is suffering, does it? And yet, it’s less common for couples to prioritize investing in couples therapy. And when we do, it’s often when our relationships are in serious trouble, and almost too late. Studies show that the level of marital and couples happiness is the strongest predictor of overall life satisfaction. And that’s why couples therapy can be the best investment you’ll ever make.
How couples therapy can lead to significant improvements in relationship
Couples counseling and therapy can help in a variety of ways. The most common problems couples seek help for are problems with communication. Couples therapy helps you to understand the root cause of ongoing conflicts and destructive patterns of behavior. Sometimes, seeking help can be about needing professional and neutral advice in regard to significant decision making about the relationship or how to manage and overcome difficulties together in general. In some cases, couples might seek help while undergoing truly challenging events, like separation and divorce or dealing with a traumatic loss.
It is truly hard to deal with relational problems alone. Being emotionally invested and involved makes it hard to hold on to an objective stance. Getting help from a psychologist to guide you through this process in a safe, containing and confidential way is a good investment.
Couples therapy can provide you as a couple with efficient tools and coping skills to handle any conflict in a constructive way as well as helping towards resolving relationship dynamics that can be destructive and toxic.
Why Couples Therapy Can Be The Best Investment You'll Ever Make • Canwillbebetter™
We Were Crazy In Love..
A Couples Therapy Testimonial At Canwillbebetter™
We Were Crazy In Love, And Had Only Been Together A Few Months
We had an idea that couples therapy was only for couples with big problems.. So when one of us had started with individual therapy and wanted to take her partner in after recommendation from the psychologist, we were initially very skeptical. We were crazy in love, and had only been together a few months. We thought we probably would not need “something like therapy”.
The first hour we were on seemed to start very exciting but also a little scary doing it together. However, we were open and curious about what we would get out of it early and found what we wanted to talk about.
With the help of the psychologist, it was easy and safe to carry the conversation further. We got help to open ourselves to each other and share the things that we knew were important or didn´t even knew that we knew! Couples therapy was so much more rewarding than we ever thought it would be.
During the therapy we got help to put into words our minds, to question our behavior and patterns of acting out with each other and understand the other party’s situation. The psychologist has helped us to ensure that both our needs have been heard and met while working through the problems that have arisen, regardless of what / who caused the situation. It has given us a nice balance in our relationship where we have learned to always look to both their needs.
We have now gone into partner therapy in around a year’s time. This year has developed our relationship and ourselves enormously. We have received guidance and inspiration to talk to each other in an honest manner and also understand how important it is to be open with what we know to talk to each other in an honest manner and also understand how important it is to be open with how we are feeling towards each other and ourselves as well.
Because we started so early in our relationship with the couples therapy, we feel we now have a solid foundation to stand on. We now have the tools we need to solve things on our own. We know each other, but above all ourselves. We understand why we act as we do and therefore we can prevent problems.
Whatever we have addressed in couples therapy, we always felt we were understood and our psychologist always addressed our our respective needs and that without judging us. It has allowed us to dare to be fully honest in the sessions, which has made us confident both in therapy and in everyday life.
We still have periods that are very good but also bad. We know that we still have things to work on, but with the help we have received, we feel now both stable and secure in knowing that we can always solve everything as it comes!
We (couple) are very pleased to have you (Krisztina Lurås) as our psychologist.
We Were Crazy In Love.. • Canwillbebetter™ • END