BREAKUPS AND DIVORCE

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DEALING WITH RELATIONSHIP BREAKUPS AND DIVORCE

Divorce and breakups can bring a sense of relief, specially if the relationship was making you unhappy. However it can also bring on a range of difficult feelings such as; denial or disbelief (it’s not really over), guilt, sadness, anger or fear and may lead to feeling; rejected, lonely or confused.

WHY BREAKUPS HAPPEN

No one enters into a relationship expecting it to end badly, but sadly, that is what often happens. Sometimes it’s because when you first meet someone, you might choose to overlook some of the differences between you. Sometimes, people just change, or they stop hiding their true self after a while and the love just isn’t enough to paper over the cracks in the relationship anymore. If you have ever wondered why so many relationships don’t work out, then read Top 10 reasons why breakups happen

DIVORCE

Marriages, as most people know, are meant to last for life, but that doesn’t mean that they all stand the test of time in practice. Many partnerships last only for a brief period of time, including a significant number of short celebrity marriages. Some last longer, but still end in dissolution. Others continue blissfully for a lifetime.

So what makes some marriages crash and burn? Are there certain sorts of behavior and circumstances that consistently rip a pairing apart? 10 most common reasons for divorce

HOW THERAPY CAN HELP WITH A DIVORCE AND BREAKUPS

When a long term relationship ends, it can be emotionally traumatic for each partner. In order to cope with the difficult mental, physical and financial process of separating, it is wise to get professional help. A person who is going through a separation may be facing feelings of guilt, fear, anxiety, depression and grief. As well as learning life lessons that can be brought into future relationships. Working with a psychologist will provide an objective and rational perspective and arm a person with the necessary skills and tools to navigate life without their former partner.

HERE ARE SOME NORMAL REACTIONS TO DIVORCE AND BREAKUPS PSYCHOTHERAPY CAN HELP WITH

We all want to think of love as an emotion. While love triggers emotions, it is actually more of a “motivational state”. However, psychotherapy can help you for the following reactions:

DENIAL

Denial is often seen as one of the more primitive defense mechanisms for dealing with psychological pain. However, in some ways this reputation is not deserved. In the early stages of psychological or emotional pain, denial can actually serve a very useful purpose. Denail temporarily limits the amount of hurt we can experience and prevents us from being overwhelmed. Of course, denial that persists for a long period is neither adaptive nor healthy. People in denial about the end of a relationship may refuse to believe that it is over and may have intentions to “win” the person back. People in denial may be very reluctant to put away photos or objects that remind them of their ex partner.

FEAR

After a breakup or divorce, a world that was once predictable and stable suddenly becomes very confusing. Where will I live? How will this affect my financial situation? How will child custody work out? Will I ever meet someone else? What does the future hold for me? Facing these fears and finding answers to these questions is a very important part of the recovery process.

LONELINESS

After breakups or divorce, loneliness may be the most powerful feeling of all. Especially if you were living with your partner. The daily living patterns inevitably change. Suddenly, many of the things you did together become solo tasks. The thought that “I will never find anyone and will always feel this lonely” may be hard to get rid of. This is a normal reaction, but thankfully one that is simply not true. Ending a relationship definitely hurts, but the pain will subside. Helpful insights can be made about why it did not work out, and love can be found again if you are open to this possibility.

GUILT

Guilt, regardless of whether you were the “dumper” or the “dumpee” is a very common feeling after a breakup or divorce. If you happen to be the person who left the relationship, you may feel guilty about hurting the other person. And if you are the person who was left, you may feel guilty about not recognizing the signs that the relationship was in trouble and doing more to save it. In therapy, guilt is normally addressed by acknowledging one’s role in the relationship. Becoming aware of unhealthy or destructive relationship patterns. Understanding that there is usually not just one person to “blame”. Learning from the relationship, and moving forward with new insights.

GRIEF

Although we normally only associate grief with the death of someone we care about, many professionals believe that the grieving process also applies to the end of an important relationship. With grief, there is sadness and despair brought on by the loss of an important person in our lives. Grief leaves us feeling drained emotionally and feeling as though we have little control over our lives. Grieving the end of a relationship and acknowledging the loss can be a very important part of rebuilding your life after breakups or divorce.

ANGER

Anger, especially in first few days and weeks after a breakup or divorce is a very common reaction. Feelings of betrayal, disrespect, and the circumstances surrounding the breakup may lead to intense anger or rage. It may cloud your view of humanity in general and leave you feeling very pessimistic about future relationships “All men/women can’t be trusted”. Although anger is normal after a breakup, it is also emotionally draining and is certainly not healthy if it remains in your life long after the relationship has ended.

SELF-ESTEEM

Feelings of lowered self-esteem or self-worth are common after a breakup. It is normal for your self-esteem to take a hit after the end of a relationship. You may question the decisions you made in the relationship, why it seems so difficult to find someone you are compatible with, whether there is something “wrong” with you, and even whether you deserve love.

Bottom line

To stay positive as you start a new chapter, try getting involved in activities you used to love but haven’t done in a while. Or try new hobbies and activities. Stay physically healthy by eating right and getting exercise.