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A Motivational Guide To Therapy

ARE YOU FEELING CONFLICTED OR RELUCTANT ABOUT TRYING THERAPY WITH A PSYCHOLOGIST?

At times, people seek a psychologist because they yearn for something more, something different, something unknown. This cultivation of unfulfilled desires can be an intense and overwhelming experience, often associated by a feeling of fear, reluctance and resistance. In all these cases, seeing a psychologist can be an experience that compels our strengths and stimulates demands on us that we in fact can handle, endure, solve, and even learn to love. These small steps of successes are big.

When you know more, you not only do better, you live better. – Krisztina Lurås

Numerous studies have now found and well documented that psychotherapy is an effective way to help people make positive changes in their lives. To create change and change processes that will last over time is often the ultimate goal of therapy.

THE MOST IMPORTANT SINGLE INVESTMENT WE CAN EVER DO

A motivational guide to therapy.

To work on ourselves might just be the most important single investment we can ever do- not only for ourselves but for our loved ones, the world and ultimately even… humanity. It is never too late to begin to invest in ourselves, in fact, it is the task we should never neglect. However, so many of us do exactly that. We lose track of who we truly are, we get lost in the past, go astray in the present without cultivating the vision for the future. The problem is that in order to know where we are going, we need to know where we are and to some extent, where we have been…

Being is easier then becoming

The only constant thing in life is change. And change isn’t easy, but it is possible, as a process. Whether we welcome it or not, we somehow have to find a way to keep up with it. We resist change, but fear of the unknown can result in clinging to status quo behaviors—no matter how bad they are. One of the first steps toward contacting a psychologist starts with acknowledging this, that we could do better or could want to do better!

When you know better, you most likely will do better. So never hold your self-hostage to your past mistakes, failures or bad choices. You probably didn´t know better, and that is ok

WHY SOMEONE WANTS TO CONTACT A PSYCHOLOGIST

A motivational guide to therapy.

There may be several reasons why someone wants to contact a psychologist. Seeing a psychologist is often associated with ‘being sick’ or ‘weak’.  In truth, we will never show greater courage than in those situations when we embrace our vulnerability. To take ownership of our own vulnerability is what defines the ‘humane’ side of us and makes relationships, interconnectedness and even a sense of belonging to others possible.

WHY THERAPY?

Many of us seek therapy because we want to function at our best and be our most authentic and true self. Many of us go through periods of feeling down and depressed, suddenly feeling anxious about things that didn´t even bother us before. Even more of us experience stress and burnout without understanding what is happening to us, understandably a frightening experience. Some want to evolve and work towards greater personal growth, unleash untapped potentials and resilience. For some, the motivation to see a psychologist lies in a special worry,  a problem, an ongoing conflict, a difficult situation- while for others it could be a general feeling that life is not satisfying at all, a feeling not so uncommon is that ‘life was not supposed to be like it is’. At other times, people seek a psychologist because they yearn for something more, something different, something unknown. This cultivation of unfulfilled desires can be an intense and overwhelming experience, often associated by a feeling of fear, reluctance, and resistance. In all these cases, seeing a psychologist can be an experience that compels our strengths and stimulates demands on us that we can handle, endure, solve, and even learn to love.

Therapy seeks to create a safe but challenging environment where we are encouraged to let go of dysfunctional thoughts, outdated strategies, and bad habits. Sometimes, certain patterns of thoughts and behaviors might have served a function in the past, but do not work so well anymore in the present. In order to change these patterns, we often need further insights and reconditioning ‘positive‘ experiences. Partly this happens through a process where we can experience thoughts and feelings that we may have avoided or been unsure of. Therapy is not something that is done to us as ‘passive passengers’. On the contrary, it is a full engagement, a joint venture as much as a professional collaboration- a process not a quick-fix!

IN THERAPY ONE IS NOT LEFT ALONE

A motivational guide to therapy.

In therapy, the client is never left alone. The psychologist’s role is amongst others to stimulate. To inspire, challenge and assist to sort out thoughts and experiences that can be difficult to sort out by the client himself. Common to all people is that thoughts and behavioral patterns may have made us blind to how we perceive, think about and construct our world- and also blind to how we socialize with others. Many couples wish to learn how to communicate better and to get the spark back into their relationship again. Also, some things of intimate character are often not so easy to talk about and we need help from a third party. In many cases, a psychologist might be the right professional- being neutral and objective- to assist people in dealing with these sensitive and confidential issues. We can ensure the strictest confidentiality each and every step on the way.

Therapy is not something that is done to us as ‘passive passengers’. On the contrary, it is a full engagement, a joint venture as much as a professional collaboration- a process, not a quick-fix!

Getting started is easy!

We offer free, phone or online face-to-face consultations with the psychologist to ensure that we are the right fit for you

Book your session online now. You can find more information about rates here. Or, if you have any questions feel free to get in touch.

A Motivational Guide To Therapy • Canwillbebetter™

According to Harville Hendrix, PhD , Getting the Love you want: A guide for couples, it’s the “picture (image) of the partner who can make one complete and whole again” (image meaning imago in Latin), as in the complex picture of early childhood caregivers. Imago theory implies that we seek for partners who have the potential to help us complete unfinished matters from childhood. Our adult relationships and conflicts seem familiar because they remind us of our early caregivers. These relationships give us new opportunities to heal and transform previous wounds and finding deep relational fulfillment. But this remains an opportunity, not a guarantee.

Hendrix writes:
Our unconscious need is to have our feelings of “aliveness and wholeness” restored by someone reminding us of our early caregivers.
In other words, we are looking for someone who reminds us of our early caregivers.

WHEN WE FALL IN LOVE

So when we fall in love and the world is suddenly perceived as a safe and better place, our old brain tells us that we have found someone who can finally help meet our needs. Unfortunately, since we do not understand what is happening, we are shocked when the terrible truth of our dear surfaces and our first impulse is to escape from the situation.

It seems to be an illusion to believe that it is not normal for relationships to suffer from increasing pressure at times, especially in everyday life. Unaddressed problems and unresolved emotional conflicts can easily contribute to experiences of tension and stress over time, which can make each partner feel exhausted, depressed, desperate, and develop lower self-esteem and lack of confidence. When a relationship is at the breaking point, separation or divorce may seem the only option.

However, talking through problems with an experienced professional psychologist individually as well as together at times of crisis can help you get to the core of conflicts and re-learn how to appreciate each other’s experiences, thoughts and feelings and preventing things to escalate further.

OUR OVERALL GOAL

We have as an overall goal to help couples work towards a more successful relationship where both parties feel stronger together as well as individually! The wish to begin in couples therapy is for many about the desire to manage to move forward, get professional help to put the past behind, not to miss the present and to create a future together!

Talk too a psychologists today!

Are you struggling and looking to make changes, but need some support doing so?

Canwillbebetter™ offers top quality, affordable online and in-person psychotherapy and counselling to individuals, couples, and families.

A Guide For Couples • Canwillbebetter™

We invests time, money and resources in all kinds of material things. We invest in our homes, cars, boats, real estate, retirement planning and technology. We also invest in education and training for our careers. But non of that really matters if our marriage or couple’s relationship is suffering, does it? And yet, it’s less common for couples to prioritize investing in couples therapy. And when we do, it’s often when our relationships are in serious trouble, and almost too late. Studies show that the level of marital and couples happiness is the strongest predictor of overall life satisfaction. And that’s why couples therapy can be the best investment you’ll ever make.

How couples therapy can lead to significant improvements in relationship

Couples counseling and therapy can help in a variety of ways. The most common problems couples seek help for are problems with communication. Couples therapy helps you to understand the root cause of ongoing conflicts and destructive patterns of behavior. Sometimes, seeking help can be about needing professional and neutral advice in regard to significant decision making about the relationship or how to manage and overcome difficulties together in general. In some cases, couples might seek help while undergoing truly challenging events, like separation and divorce or dealing with a traumatic loss.

It is truly hard to deal with relational problems alone. Being emotionally invested and involved makes it hard to hold on to an objective stance. Getting help from a psychologist to guide you through this process in a safe, containing and confidential way is a good investment.

Couples therapy can provide you as a couple with efficient tools and coping skills to handle any conflict in a constructive way as well as helping towards resolving relationship dynamics that can be destructive and toxic.

Talk too a psychologists today!

Are you struggling and looking to make changes, but need some support doing so?

Canwillbebetter™ offers top quality, affordable online and in-person psychotherapy and counselling to individuals, couples, and families.

Why Couples Therapy Can Be The Best Investment You'll Ever Make • Canwillbebetter™

The experience we have with our caregivers and our early life experiences become the lens through which we view our self-worth and our capacity to be empathic, caring, and genuine. As children, our parents are the “all powerful” center of our universe. If they think badly of us, then it must be true and we come to feel that way about ourselves.  A child has no perspective from which to cast doubt on this assessment. We then “internalize” their negative opinion and incorporate it into our view of ourselves. If we were regularly criticized or demeaned we can easily develop a damaged sense of self-worth.

When we enter into relationships as adults, both partners bring along all their unresolved conflicts, fears, hurts and expectations. There is a strong tendency to recreate relationships from childhood with our adult partners. At times, these can be neglectful, hurtful and even abusive. These old dysfunctional patterns become indistinguishable from current emotional triggers from the present. A stacking of emotions can occur whereby an event in a current relationship triggers the unleashing of old feelings and reactions, creating a confusion of powerful old hurts and new ones.

If our emotions in a situation are disproportionate to the provocation, we are probably bringing up an old hurt.

The tendency to unconsciously attract relationships that reenact past conflicts and beliefs is called repetition compulsion.

We have an intrinsic drive to repeat familiar patterns, no matter how painful or self-defeating, which is very powerful. For example, adult children of alcoholics frequently marry alcoholics, and an abused child with a high tolerance for maltreatment may grow up and attract high levels of stress and conflict in his/her marriage.

Partners commonly have differences in their attachment styles and internal working models (belief systems). These working models, based on past relationships, guide their current perceptions and construction of reality.

Talk too a psychologists today!

Are you struggling and looking to make changes, but need some support doing so?

Canwillbebetter™ offers top quality, affordable online and in-person psychotherapy and counselling to individuals, couples, and families.

How Your Childhood Affects Your Adult Relationships • Canwillbebetter™

Sometimes two people genuinely give the relationship their all and they finally come to the conclusion that parting ways is the best and healthiest decision for all involved.

One or both of the partners are selfish. They prioritise their own needs and wants, and disregard, neglect, or minimise the requirements of others. There always has to be some caring and compromises by both parties for a relationship to work.

Love is a verb. It is something that you actively do. If one or both partners neglect to show or make loving actions then sooner or later, the partnership will likely fizzle out.

Marriage requires commitment and compromises to be made. Unfortunately some people just aren’t cut out for matrimony but they do it because they feel that’s what’s expected of them. If you are someone who is happiest when single, then it is unlikely that marriage will work for you, especially if you are just doing it because that’s what people do.

Some couples are just not suited. They may have incompatible personalities, interests, expectations, lifestyles, or tastes. Differences can sometimes be papered over during the dating phase, and the initial passions of love sometimes distorts a person’s viewpoint, but once the couple are living together under one roof on a day to day roof, any differences will eventually surface, and sometimes they are irreconcilable.

Some people just aren’t cut out for monogamy biologically. They are never going to be faithful to their partner, so marriage probably isn’t for them.

People change over time. sometimes couples grow apart because they each develop in different ways, or they progress at different rates of time. Over the years, a partnership that was originally compatible becomes incompatible.

sometimes the marriage dies because the sex life disappears and without the physical intimacy, the couple lose their bond. It depends on the dynamics of the particular partnership, of course. Other factors, such as age for instance, can also play a part in breakups.

Some relationships are always destined to burn themselves out. A romance that is hot and passionate in the early days, may be too intense to continue indefinitely. Passion can turn to arguments and excitement can become instability.

A relationship needs hope and optimism to keep going. If one or both partners lose their faith in the relationship, then there is a good chance that they will fall out of love too.

Talk too a psychologists today!

Are you struggling and looking to make changes, but need some support doing so?

Canwillbebetter™ offers top quality, affordable online and in-person psychotherapy and counselling to individuals, couples, and families.

10 Most Common Reasons For Divorce • Canwillbebetter™

No one enters into a relationship expecting it to end badly, but sadly, that is what often happens. Sometimes it’s because when you first meet someone, you might choose to overlook some of the differences between you. Sometimes, people just change, or they stop hiding their true self after a while and the love just isn’t enough to paper over the cracks in the relationship anymore.

Why so many relationships don’t work out:

People just fall out of love

Quite often, people say that they broke up simply because they no longer felt that they loved each other anymore. This can be a really tough one to deal with because there is no hatred, no one has really done anything wrong and there is no one reason for it to happen, it just happens. It is, however, the top reason that has been given in many surveys conducted on why breakups happen.

Finances

Money also regularly appears near the top of the most surveys on this subject. Money, though, is often a symptom of other underlying issues, such as lack of trust or lack of communication. the main money reasons given for breakups are, one partner controlling all the spending or a partner wasting money. The only way to avoid money becoming an issue within a relationship is to talk about it, agree what you will spend money on and be honest when money issues arise.

Infidelity

as you would expect, cheating is always high on the list of reasons for breakups too, but surprisingly it is rarely the top reason. Although it is a topic that many people discuss, statistically, it is quite rare and there is only about a 6% chance of it happening to you. For most people, though, there can be no forgiving cheating and, once it has happened, the relationship is over.

Lack of trust

It’s not just cheating that breaks that all important trust, any form of lying or deceit can bring about the end of a relationship. Approximately one third of people say that a lack of trust was to be blamed for the end of their relationship. Even a small lie, can make it impossible for many people to continue on in a relationship.

Bad habits

While you may be able to overlook his obsession with what he can dig out of his nose in the early stages of a relationship, his bad habits will wear you down eventually! Once the honeymoon period is over and both partners begin to relax a bit more, that is when these habits can come out and when they can become annoying. Bad habits are up there on most of the top ten lists of reasons for breakups.

Different aspirations

This can cover a whole range of different things, but when two people’s goals and ambitions in life don’t coincide, then that can lead to irreconcilable friction in a relationship. This could be that he has no ambitions to further his career, but she is a career minded woman, or, of course, that one person wants to have children and the other does not. There are some things that just can’t be compromised on and that will, and should, lead to a breakup, or one person will be very unhappy.

Social isolation

This is just a more sophisticated way of saying, don’t be too clingy! Under this category of reasons for breaking up you can include;

Not getting on with each other’s family, not liking each other’s friends, and not having any life at all outside of the relationship.

Complacency and boredom

This reason for breakups is probably closely linked to falling out of love. It is when one or both in a relationship take each other for granted and the relationship just cease to be fun. When this is the reason for a relationship breakup, it really is a shame, because it is something that could have been fixed, with just a little bit more effort.

Inequality in the relationship

One partner making all the decision without consulting the other is also a common reason for couples breaking up. A relationship should be an equal partnership between two and there should be no single person ‘in charge’. The very worst case of inequality would be where one partner has a controlling personality and that could be called abuse, which should never be tolerated in any form.

What happens in the bedroom?

Issues with physical intimacy account for an estimated fifteen percent of breakups. That could include lack of it, too much or just too weird! Although what constitutes a healthy intimate life varies considerably from one couple to the next, compatibility in the bedroom is a vital ingredient of a successful relationship.

Talk too a psychologists today!

Are you struggling and looking to make changes, but need some support doing so?

Canwillbebetter™ offers top quality, affordable online and in-person psychotherapy and counselling to individuals, couples, and families.

Top 10 Reasons Why Breakups Happens • Canwillbebetter™

The 7 signs that you should reevaluate your relationship today

THE END? : There are several signs you should not overlook when you’re in a relationship

Are you in a unhealthy relationship? Do you often feel that something goes wrong in the dynamic with your partner without being able to figure out what goes wrong?

There are few things in life that are as amazing as being in a relationship that works. When you have found a best friend, lover and partner, all in the same person. And although perfect conditions looks different for everyone, it’s a few things that all happy couples agree is important for the relationship to both flourish and endure. Similarly, there are some things that should never occur in a good and healthy relationship, and that should be viewed as indisputable proof that one should decide whether the relationship is worth pur- suing on, or if it’s time to cut all ties and move on.

Here are the 7 signs you need to be aware of indicating that your relationship might be at risk:

#1.One of you keep count..
When you find that you have complete control of how many times in the past month he has been late for an appointment,or he constant- ly keeps counting you about just how few times the last few weeks you’ve said yes to sex, it might be an idea to look seriously at what truly going on below the surface.
The only place you should look after the scores are not in your relationship, but on the football field!
If one of you constantly keeps track of the other’s mistakes and short- comings, hen there is a loud and clear evidence of a so-called toxic rela- tionship
This is in fact very common, and women are particularly good at this by counting and keeping steel control on who is doing what and equally, who is not doing something, all the time.
And even worse is when we take on our so called « martyr hat». Few things are as annoying and unsexy as when we behave as martyrs or victims in the relationship and the home – « poor me again who has been left all the chores and all the stress and hassle.” Does it sound familiar? In this scenario you can be sure that your partner will react being both sulky and provoked.

#2. He makes you feel stupid
A romantic partner – and others you are closely related to – are meant to build you up, and not tear you down.
The person you are in a relationship with is not supposed to get you to feel insecure and bad when it comes to your interests, attitudes and actions.
Being each other’s support is important-
It does not mean that you can never give constructive criticism or point out things such as your partner having made mistakes or things your partner should think a little better about, for it is also an important part of being a support and friend. But one should not say things that you know will hurt – just to hurt.
The intention behind is crucial.
A common problem is attributing your partner intentions and thoughts.
In truth, it is hurtful to the majority to have their behavior described or have explained what and how one thinks of the other party. The same applies when one of the parties by an argument or discussion should put a guide for how the response of the other will be – and that before a reaction has got a chance to come naturally.

#3. He does not take responsibility
Being able to take responsibility, both as part of a twosome, but also for own words and actions, is an important part of being able to
call oneself an adult. If you happen to be in a relationship, this abili- ty is almost even more important. For what happens when you ar- gue? Can both of you both admit mistakes and ask for forgiveness, or is it a party that never admits fault and error?
In a healthy relationship, both parties should be able to take a step back and see how they have contributed to the success and fail- ures.
It should not be such a thing that one of the parties must assume guilt every time there is arguing or something goes wrong
Anyone can become angry and many things and triggers can start an argument, but if a person is never willing to either apologize or is constantly as a pattern of behavior being unnecessarily angry, or admit that it took equal amounts in dispute with the other party, then you have a problem.
Psychologist Krisztina Lurås agrees:
If the premise of the relationship is that you have to sacrifice yourself and take the blame at each dispute or conflict, and it is your needs and emotions that are constantly downgraded, yes then it is time to take the matter up for consideration, explains Lurås
When we are talking about compromising ourself and our own worth, it is never healthy, either for yourself or your relationship.
It is important to be conscious of the fact that no one is perfect and that in a relationship, it is quite natural that both at times are both irrational and imperfect.

#4. One of you is threatening to quit and end the relationship
Being in a healthy relationship means that you should be able to feel both safe and secure emotionally and genuinely loved by your partner. in case one party threatens to leave the relationship every time a dispute arises or you disagree about something, it is not looking good for the relationship.
– Both parties should be able to express negative feelings and disappointment without it becoming a threat to the entire relationship, believes Lurås.
It does not create a safe and happy relationship if one party must weigh every word and be afraid of being abandoned if one speaks up for one- self

#5. You call each other bad things
The only names one should call each other if you’re in a relation- ship, in addition to the real names are nicknames.
To call someone something that you know will hurt, and is said to hurt, is a red flag again.
Without any compromise, this kind of behavior should not be toler- ated under any circumstances by anyone!

#6. He ignores you
Whether it concerns one of the parties in a relationship physically leaving the scene after a conflict or simply retreating and engages the famous “silent treatment” as punishment, both are equally un- healthy for a good relationship.
It is commonly agreed that his way to react or behave is very bad news for the relationship.
The ability to communicate and explain the reason for being angry, what the problem is and what might be done to resolve the situation, is an essential skills to a good relationship
Excluding the other party out, either by going away or staying away from home, or completely ignoring the other party even if they are physically located in the same place, will firstly not resolve anything, and secondly it will contribute to create fear and uncertainty among the other party. One must be able to rely sufficiently on each other and not have to be afraid of being treated this way when a conflict arises.
It is absolutely painful to feel that one is ignored, it does something to our core sense of self worth, our explains Lurås.
It is also a warning sign of a very immature person who is not able to cope with a conflict or uncomfortable conversation, but rather choose to hide, either physically or emotionally.

#7. You are not allowed to grow
Even after we have grown adults, we are changing and growing constantly. Whether in terms of becoming parents, going through a crisis, learning a new profession or just simply growing as a person. This is both natural and necessary. But what happens if one of the parties in a relationship is not allowed to change and are faced with both skepticism, criticism and mockery.
Nothing is constant. Dreams, goals and plans change during life. And that’s good. This is precisely why it is so important to be in a relation- ship with someone who allows you to change.

An uncertain person in a relationship will in many cases try to keep the other party back, and prevent change and growth.
This again is a bad sign and not one you should ignore if you want a good and healthy relationship.

There must be room for growth in a relationship. A relationship that is too safe will ultimately become a threat.

Dr Lurås agrees, and emphasizes that one actually has a responsibility for ones own happiness, and in case one is being kept away from finding this by the other party in the relationship, then it may be time for a reality check.

Both in romantic relationships and also in friendship, it must be possible for both parties to grow and develop, explains the psychologist.

If you are held back by someone – perhaps someone even afraid of change – it’s time to wave goodbye.

Ultimately, if you aim to grow and improve yourself and the other person responds with disrespect and disbelief, and there is no encouragement or support for your efforts, then the relationship might not be worth fighting for.

Every fight has its price. At some point you have to ask yourself:
I am willing to pay the price fighting for this love?

You should never ever put up with becoming a lesser version of yourself. It will never makes sense to you to feel less then what you felt you were before entering the relationship. If you do, you are most likely loosing yourself bit by bit..

The Relationship trap-

To fight or not to fight. That is the quesiton!

The 7 signs that you should reevaluate your relationship today

THE END?

There are several signs you should not overlook when you’re in a relationship.

Are you in a unhealthy relationship? Do you often feel that something goes wrong in the dynamic with your partner without being able to figure out what goes wrong?
There are few things in life that are as amazing as being in a relationship that works. When you have found a best friend, lover and partner, all in the same person. And although perfect conditions looks different for everyone, it’s a few things that all happy couples agree is important for the relationship to both flourish and endure. Similarly, there are some things that should never occur in a good and healthy relationship, and that should be viewed as indisputable proof that one should decide whether the relationship is worth pur- suing on, or if it’s time to cut all ties and move on.
Here are the 7 signs you need to be aware of indicating that your relationship might be at risk:

#1.One of you keep count..

When you find that you have complete control of how many times in the past month he has been late for an appointment,or he constant- ly keeps counting you about just how few times the last few weeks you’ve said yes to sex, it might be an idea to look seriously at what truly going on below the surface.
The only place you should look after the scores are not in your relationship, but on the football field!
If one of you constantly keeps track of the other’s mistakes and short- comings, hen there is a loud and clear evidence of a so-called toxic rela- tionship
This is in fact very common, and women are particularly good at this by counting and keeping steel control on who is doing what and equally, who is not doing something, all the time.
And even worse is when we take on our so called « martyr hat». Few things are as annoying and unsexy as when we behave as martyrs or victims in the relationship and the home – « poor me again who has been left all the chores and all the stress and hassle.” Does it sound familiar? In this scenario you can be sure that your partner will react being both sulky and provoked.


#2. He makes you feel stupid

A romantic partner – and others you are closely related to – are meant to build you up, and not tear you down.
The person you are in a relationship with is not supposed to get you to feel insecure and bad when it comes to your interests, attitudes and actions.
Being each other’s support is important-
It does not mean that you can never give constructive criticism or point out things such as your partner having made mistakes or things your partner should think a little better about, for it is also an important part of being a support and friend. But one should not say things that you know will hurt – just to hurt.
The intention behind is crucial.
A common problem is attributing your partner intentions and thoughts.
In truth, it is hurtful to the majority to have their behavior described or have explained what and how one thinks of the other party. The same applies when one of the parties by an argument or discussion should put a guide for how the response of the other will be – and that before a reaction has got a chance to come naturally.


#3. He does not take responsibility

Being able to take responsibility, both as part of a twosome, but also for own words and actions, is an important part of being able to
call oneself an adult. If you happen to be in a relationship, this abili- ty is almost even more important. For what happens when you ar- gue? Can both of you both admit mistakes and ask for forgiveness, or is it a party that never admits fault and error?
In a healthy relationship, both parties should be able to take a step back and see how they have contributed to the success and fail- ures.
It should not be such a thing that one of the parties must assume guilt every time there is arguing or something goes wrong
Anyone can become angry and many things and triggers can start an argument, but if a person is never willing to either apologize or is constantly as a pattern of behavior being unnecessarily angry, or admit that it took equal amounts in dispute with the other party, then you have a problem.
Psychologist Krisztina Lurås agrees:
If the premise of the relationship is that you have to sacrifice yourself and take the blame at each dispute or conflict, and it is your needs and emotions that are constantly downgraded, yes then it is time to take the matter up for consideration, explains Lurås
When we are talking about compromising ourself and our own worth, it is never healthy, either for yourself or your relationship.
It is important to be conscious of the fact that no one is perfect and that in a relationship, it is quite natural that both at times are both irrational and imperfect.


#4. One of you is threatening to quit and end the relationship

Being in a healthy relationship means that you should be able to feel both safe and secure emotionally and genuinely loved by your partner. in case one party threatens to leave the relationship every time a dispute arises or you disagree about something, it is not looking good for the relationship.
– Both parties should be able to express negative feelings and disappointment without it becoming a threat to the entire relationship, believes Lurås.
It does not create a safe and happy relationship if one party must weigh every word and be afraid of being abandoned if one speaks up for one- self


#5. You call each other bad things

The only names one should call each other if you’re in a relation- ship, in addition to the real names are nicknames.
To call someone something that you know will hurt, and is said to hurt, is a red flag again.
Without any compromise, this kind of behavior should not be toler- ated under any circumstances by anyone!


#6. He ignores you

Whether it concerns one of the parties in a relationship physically leaving the scene after a conflict or simply retreating and engages the famous “silent treatment” as punishment, both are equally un- healthy for a good relationship.
It is commonly agreed that his way to react or behave is very bad news for the relationship.
The ability to communicate and explain the reason for being angry, what the problem is and what might be done to resolve the situation, is an essential skills to a good relationship
Excluding the other party out, either by going away or staying away from home, or completely ignoring the other party even if they are physically located in the same place, will firstly not resolve anything, and secondly it will contribute to create fear and uncertainty among the other party. One must be able to rely sufficiently on each other and not have to be afraid of being treated this way when a conflict arises.
It is absolutely painful to feel that one is ignored, it does something to our core sense of self worth, our explains Lurås.
It is also a warning sign of a very immature person who is not able to cope with a conflict or uncomfortable conversation, but rather choose to hide, either physically or emotionally.


#7. You are not allowed to grow

Even after we have grown adults, we are changing and growing constantly. Whether in terms of becoming parents, going through a crisis, learning a new profession or just simply growing as a person. This is both natural and necessary. But what happens if one of the parties in a relationship is not allowed to change and are faced with both skepticism, criticism and mockery.
Nothing is constant. Dreams, goals and plans change during life. And that’s good. This is precisely why it is so important to be in a relation- ship with someone who allows you to change.
An uncertain person in a relationship will in many cases try to keep the other party back, and prevent change and growth.
This again is a bad sign and not one you should ignore if you want a good and healthy relationship.
There must be room for growth in a relationship. A relationship that is too safe will ultimately become a threat.
Lurås agrees, and emphasizes that one actually has a responsibility for ones own happiness, and in case one is being kept away from finding this by the other party in the relationship, then it may be time for a reality check.
Both in romantic relationships and also in friendship, it must be possible for both parties to grow and develop, explains the psychologist.


If you are held back by someone – perhaps someone even afraid of change – it’s time to wave goodbye.

Ultimately, if you aim to grow and improve yourself and the other person responds with disrespect and disbelief, and there is no en- couragement or support for your efforts, then the relationship might not be worth fighting for.
Every fight has its price. At some point you have to ask yourself:

I am willing to pay the price fighting for this love?

You should never ever put up with becoming a lesser version of yourself. It will never makes sense to you to feel less then what you felt you were before entering the relationship. If you do, you are most likely loosing yourself bit by bit..

We Were Crazy In Love..

A Couples Therapy Testimonial At Canwillbebetter™

We Were Crazy In Love, And Had Only Been Together A Few Months

We had an idea that couples therapy was only for couples with big problems.. So when one of us had started with individual therapy and wanted to take her partner in after recommendation from the psychologist, we were initially very skeptical. We were crazy in love, and had only been together a few months. We thought we probably would not need “something like therapy”.
The first hour we were on seemed to start very exciting but also a little scary doing it together. However, we were open and curious about what we would get out of it early and found what we wanted to talk about.
With the help of the psychologist, it was easy and safe to carry the conversation further. We got help to open ourselves to each other and share the things that we knew were important or didn´t even knew that we knew! Couples therapy was so much more rewarding than we ever thought it would be.

During the therapy we got help to put into words our minds, to question our behavior and patterns of acting out with each other and understand the other party’s situation. The psychologist has helped us to ensure that both our needs have been heard and met while working through the problems that have arisen, regardless of what / who caused the situation. It has given us a nice balance in our relationship where we have learned to always look to both their needs.
We have now gone into partner therapy in around a year’s time. This year has developed our relationship and ourselves enormously. We have received guidance and inspiration to talk to each other in an honest manner and also understand how important it is to be open with what we know to talk to each other in an honest manner and also understand how important it is to be open with how we are feeling towards each other and ourselves as well.

Because we started so early in our relationship with the couples therapy, we feel we now have a solid foundation to stand on. We now have the tools we need to solve things on our own. We know each other, but above all ourselves. We understand why we act as we do and therefore we can prevent problems.

Whatever we have addressed in couples therapy, we always felt we were understood and our psychologist always addressed our our respective needs and that without judging us. It has allowed us to dare to be fully honest in the sessions, which has made us confident both in therapy and in everyday life.

We still have periods that are very good but also bad. We know that we still have things to work on, but with the help we have received, we feel now both stable and secure in knowing that we can always solve everything as it comes!

We (couple) are very pleased to have you (Krisztina Lurås) as our psychologist.

We Were Crazy In Love.. • Canwillbebetter™ • END