The Relationship trap-
To fight or not to fight. That is the quesiton!
The 7 signs that you should reevaluate your relationship today
There are several signs you should not overlook when you’re in a relationship.
Are you in a unhealthy relationship? Do you often feel that something goes wrong in the dynamic with your partner without being able to figure out what goes wrong?
There are few things in life that are as amazing as being in a relationship that works. When you have found a best friend, lover and partner, all in the same person. And although perfect conditions looks different for everyone, it’s a few things that all happy couples agree is important for the relationship to both flourish and endure. Similarly, there are some things that should never occur in a good and healthy relationship, and that should be viewed as indisputable proof that one should decide whether the relationship is worth pur- suing on, or if it’s time to cut all ties and move on.
Here are the 7 signs you need to be aware of indicating that your relationship might be at risk:
#1.One of you keep count..
When you find that you have complete control of how many times in the past month he has been late for an appointment,or he constant- ly keeps counting you about just how few times the last few weeks you’ve said yes to sex, it might be an idea to look seriously at what truly going on below the surface.
The only place you should look after the scores are not in your relationship, but on the football field!
If one of you constantly keeps track of the other’s mistakes and short- comings, hen there is a loud and clear evidence of a so-called toxic rela- tionship
This is in fact very common, and women are particularly good at this by counting and keeping steel control on who is doing what and equally, who is not doing something, all the time.
And even worse is when we take on our so called « martyr hat». Few things are as annoying and unsexy as when we behave as martyrs or victims in the relationship and the home – « poor me again who has been left all the chores and all the stress and hassle.” Does it sound familiar? In this scenario you can be sure that your partner will react being both sulky and provoked.
#2. He makes you feel stupid
A romantic partner – and others you are closely related to – are meant to build you up, and not tear you down.
The person you are in a relationship with is not supposed to get you to feel insecure and bad when it comes to your interests, attitudes and actions.
Being each other’s support is important-
It does not mean that you can never give constructive criticism or point out things such as your partner having made mistakes or things your partner should think a little better about, for it is also an important part of being a support and friend. But one should not say things that you know will hurt – just to hurt.
The intention behind is crucial.
A common problem is attributing your partner intentions and thoughts.
In truth, it is hurtful to the majority to have their behavior described or have explained what and how one thinks of the other party. The same applies when one of the parties by an argument or discussion should put a guide for how the response of the other will be – and that before a reaction has got a chance to come naturally.
#3. He does not take responsibility
Being able to take responsibility, both as part of a twosome, but also for own words and actions, is an important part of being able to
call oneself an adult. If you happen to be in a relationship, this abili- ty is almost even more important. For what happens when you ar- gue? Can both of you both admit mistakes and ask for forgiveness, or is it a party that never admits fault and error?
In a healthy relationship, both parties should be able to take a step back and see how they have contributed to the success and fail- ures.
It should not be such a thing that one of the parties must assume guilt every time there is arguing or something goes wrong
Anyone can become angry and many things and triggers can start an argument, but if a person is never willing to either apologize or is constantly as a pattern of behavior being unnecessarily angry, or admit that it took equal amounts in dispute with the other party, then you have a problem.
Psychologist Krisztina Lurås agrees:
If the premise of the relationship is that you have to sacrifice yourself and take the blame at each dispute or conflict, and it is your needs and emotions that are constantly downgraded, yes then it is time to take the matter up for consideration, explains Lurås
When we are talking about compromising ourself and our own worth, it is never healthy, either for yourself or your relationship.
It is important to be conscious of the fact that no one is perfect and that in a relationship, it is quite natural that both at times are both irrational and imperfect.
#4. One of you is threatening to quit and end the relationship
Being in a healthy relationship means that you should be able to feel both safe and secure emotionally and genuinely loved by your partner. in case one party threatens to leave the relationship every time a dispute arises or you disagree about something, it is not looking good for the relationship.
– Both parties should be able to express negative feelings and disappointment without it becoming a threat to the entire relationship, believes Lurås.
It does not create a safe and happy relationship if one party must weigh every word and be afraid of being abandoned if one speaks up for one- self
#5. You call each other bad things
The only names one should call each other if you’re in a relation- ship, in addition to the real names are nicknames.
To call someone something that you know will hurt, and is said to hurt, is a red flag again.
Without any compromise, this kind of behavior should not be toler- ated under any circumstances by anyone!
#6. He ignores you
Whether it concerns one of the parties in a relationship physically leaving the scene after a conflict or simply retreating and engages the famous “silent treatment” as punishment, both are equally un- healthy for a good relationship.
It is commonly agreed that his way to react or behave is very bad news for the relationship.
The ability to communicate and explain the reason for being angry, what the problem is and what might be done to resolve the situation, is an essential skills to a good relationship
Excluding the other party out, either by going away or staying away from home, or completely ignoring the other party even if they are physically located in the same place, will firstly not resolve anything, and secondly it will contribute to create fear and uncertainty among the other party. One must be able to rely sufficiently on each other and not have to be afraid of being treated this way when a conflict arises.
It is absolutely painful to feel that one is ignored, it does something to our core sense of self worth, our explains Lurås.
It is also a warning sign of a very immature person who is not able to cope with a conflict or uncomfortable conversation, but rather choose to hide, either physically or emotionally.
#7. You are not allowed to grow
Even after we have grown adults, we are changing and growing constantly. Whether in terms of becoming parents, going through a crisis, learning a new profession or just simply growing as a person. This is both natural and necessary. But what happens if one of the parties in a relationship is not allowed to change and are faced with both skepticism, criticism and mockery.
Nothing is constant. Dreams, goals and plans change during life. And that’s good. This is precisely why it is so important to be in a relation- ship with someone who allows you to change.
An uncertain person in a relationship will in many cases try to keep the other party back, and prevent change and growth.
This again is a bad sign and not one you should ignore if you want a good and healthy relationship.
There must be room for growth in a relationship. A relationship that is too safe will ultimately become a threat.
Lurås agrees, and emphasizes that one actually has a responsibility for ones own happiness, and in case one is being kept away from finding this by the other party in the relationship, then it may be time for a reality check.
Both in romantic relationships and also in friendship, it must be possible for both parties to grow and develop, explains the psychologist.
If you are held back by someone – perhaps someone even afraid of change – it’s time to wave goodbye.
Ultimately, if you aim to grow and improve yourself and the other person responds with disrespect and disbelief, and there is no en- couragement or support for your efforts, then the relationship might not be worth fighting for.
Every fight has its price. At some point you have to ask yourself:
I am willing to pay the price fighting for this love?
You should never ever put up with becoming a lesser version of yourself. It will never makes sense to you to feel less then what you felt you were before entering the relationship. If you do, you are most likely loosing yourself bit by bit..